By Saturday, July 31, 2010 9 Permalink 0

I’m working on  little project right now, and no, it is not what you are thinking! Shush! Hehe…I’ll tell you guys all about it probably Monday. It’s something fuuuuun….

So, I was looking for funny pregnancy quotes and I found these. I have to share with you all. They had me cracking up, almost spitting my coffee at Ty’s computer (which is driving me crazy! How do you turn off the mouse pad, grrr).


Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.

Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A. Childbirth.

Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. ‘Cause you’re fatter than they are.

Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A. So what’s your question?

Q. What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.

Q. How long is the average woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says, divided by two.

Q. My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

Q. What does it mean when the baby’s head is crowning?
A. It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.

Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.

Q. Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.

Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.

Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

Q. What are the terrible twos?
A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.

Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A. When you see teeth marks.

Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.


If you have more please share them! Leave me a comment and I will add it to the list!!

* Pregnancy Quotes

  • Lisa
    July 31, 2010

    Hi! I’m your newest follower from Bloggy Moms!!! 🙂 Nice to meet you! This list is so funny. I can’t believe I can’t come up with any myself after 6 kids. 🙂

    Hope you’ll come visit me soon and follow back.
    Lisa xoxo
    Raising Future Leaders

  • Amber
    July 31, 2010

    Hey honey! I nominated you for an award! Check it out here!

  • Felicia
    July 31, 2010

    What a great list. I love them….I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. And most of them are dead on.

  • Queen Bee
    August 1, 2010

    So funny! I love the list! Cracked me up!
    Thanks for stopping by my blog! I’m a new follower!

  • evony faq
    August 2, 2010

    Usually I do not post on blogs, but I would like to say that this article really forced me to do so! Thanks, really nice article.

  • Beth in SF
    August 3, 2010

    HILARIOUS 🙂 especially the part about babies after 35 LOL

  • Leilani
    August 4, 2010

    Freakin’ HILARIOUS! Thanks for posting! Do you mind if I post this on my blog and link back to you?

    • Sofia
      August 5, 2010

      Sure! No problem! Thanks for stopping by!

  • Markita Burkette
    August 9, 2010

    Thanks for blogging this really great content. I’ve been scouring the internet for this general kind of content and it’s been surprisingly hard to find with any real quality. I will absolutely keep returning for more. Thank You Again.